Facing the Fear of Change

Here we are.  The day before we return for another school year.  My classroom is ready, at least for the most part.  Beginning of the year professional development has been completed.  Students are on my rosters.  And that is where I begin to feel the panic, worry, and fear set in.

Large classes with a large population of at-risk kids.  The plans of drastically changing what I have been doing year after year start to seem overwhelming.  The self-doubt sets in and throwing out the summer of research and hard work seems like an increasingly safe idea.

There is some solace in continuing to do things the way you've always done them.  At least you know what each day will bring.  Good or bad, the days will at least be familiar.  It is that fear of the unknown that can so eloquently stop us dead in our tracks.  It is in that space of the unknown that the "what ifs" take shape.  What if it doesn't work?  What if students push back at the changes?  What if parents push back?  What if I can't keep up with the workload?  What if...I fail.

Fear can be crippling.  It can stop us from making changes we know in our hearts are worthwhile.  It can turn opportunities into obstacles and possibilities into panic attacks.  How, then, do you we handle fear?  How do we face it?  How do we take away its' power?  Catherine Pratt puts an interesting spin on this fear of change in her blog post Life Change - 6 Reasons Why We're Afraid to Change.

"If you let it, your imagination can dream up a never ending supply of terrible things that could happen.  But let's think about it.  You have the ability to imagine the absolute worst thing that could happen so that means you also have the skill to use your energy to imaging the absolute best thing that could happen.  It's a matter of focus.  Why do you waste so much time imagining the worst when there's just as much of a chance of the best outcome happening?"

Fear is a choice.  We can choose to envision the worst of possibilities.  Or we can choose to envision the best.  Ultimately, neither one of them have become our reality.  Yet.

So I begin to imagine the possibilities.  The possibility that my students will take ownership over their learning because they have been given a voice in what they learn, how they learn it, and how they are assessed.  The possibility that my students develop number sense through authentic number talks.  The possibility that my students develop their critical thinking, creativity problem solving, communication, collaboration, connection making, and curiosity.  The possibility that they view mathematics conceptually rather than through mere procedure alone.  The possibility that they begin to think like mathematicians and, dare I say it, begin to love math!

I'm not sure which reality will become my truth.  Maybe a bit of each.  But I do know this, if I can choose which direction my mind will wander, I'll choose the one that puts a smile on my face.

And somehow, the fear begins to slip away.